


There is no E in Hogwarts

by Madeline_basset



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Constrained Writing, Lipogram
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29398920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madeline_basset/pseuds/Madeline_basset
Summary: You-Know-Who's lipogramatic jinx attacking Hogwarts is a constant aggravation to all and sundry in this famous school of magic.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	There is no E in Hogwarts

“I didn’t think You Know Who would try this kind of thing,” said Harry, mournfully. “it’s a bit lowly for him, don’t you think?”

“No! It’s bloody awful,” shot back Ron, “It’s ground-on for thirty days and I’m hating it all. It was a horrid thing to inflict on Hogwarts. Flitwick works non-stop to halt it but so far to no avail; it’s all a fiasco! Nothing will stop this attack on our school.”

For almost a month, thanks to You Know Who’s vicious jinx, nobody in Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry could apply a most common glyph to any oral communication. To pupils and staff, all magically bound to falling back on involuntary circumlocution, this was his most irritating act so far. Rupturing Salizar’s old Basalisk cavity was nothing to this!

“You Know Who’s jinx constrains us to only talk in _lipograms_.” This was from bushy-hair, Miss Know-it-All. “A lipogram is a writing drill. It’s a form of unnatural phrasing. in which all utilization of a common part of articulation is forsworn. But it’s not all bad, Ron! I think it’s wrought an outstanding growth in your vocabulary and diction.”

“That's right, it’s not all bad,” affirms Harry. “Our Potions instructor must now say _Harry_ , which is brilliant as it obviously annoys him. Ron and I can still talk about Quidditch and can talk about it until doomsday. Staff can still say _Gryffindor_ and allot us two, four or six points, whilst Draco Malfoy must say _crypt occupants_ or _orphidians_ to talk about his lot. And his two oafish companions can hardly grunt now.”

“Nobody will spot any switch, not from that pair of gorillas.” said Ron.

“But that foul git Malfoy’s autonym still has worth; anybody can still call him by it,” said Ron and Harry’s brainy chum, grumblingly. “This jinx puts both my first and my last strictly off-limits. Now, nobody can call yours truly _anything_.”

“Parvati Patil still calls you things.” said Ron, in words almost too low to catch.

“But what is You-Know-Who trying to do?” said Harry, trying to stop a row from flaring up by shifting to a variant topic of discussion.

Actually, this conundrum had had Harry’s mind in a fog for days. “It’s purgatory for us. But what will it gain for him?” 

“Dunno,” said Ron. “But you can’t strictly call You-Know-Who a _rational_ individual, now can you? Any allusions in _Hogwarts: A History_ to a historical situation similar to this?”

“You’d know if you look at it occasionally.”

“Why would I? Harry and I can just ask you.”

Harry was wishing Madam Hooch hadn’t to put a stop to all Quidditch until You-Know-Who’s jinx was bust. Any distraction from this squabbling pair was now vital for him 

“Naturally any man is happy at a satisfactory culmination of his plans; You-Know-Who is not inimical to that” sang out Harry and Ron’s bookish companion.

“Why did you sing that?” said Ron, quizzically.

“I must! Look at a list of synonyms for said. Out of a myriad, that horrid illicit sign is in all almost all; only about four don’t contain it.”

Ron swaps looks with Harry, and sighs; it’s all so awkward now.

“McGonagal and Flitwick must find a way to stop Tom’s jinx soon,” thinks Harry. “I won’t stand it if this is drawn-out for an additional month.”


End file.
